by Nation Discovers Patriotism Requires Volume Control
In a stunning development that surprised absolutely no one who has ever attended a Fourth of July barbecue, the “Made in America” movement has officially gone viralnot because of grassroots consumer advocacy or economic nationalism, but because people discovered you can win any argument by simply shouting it louder.
Marketing experts at Forbes Manufacturing have confirmed that decibel levels are now the primary metric for measuring patriotic commitment. “We’ve analyzed the data,” explains Dr. Patricia Voluminous, Professor of Acoustic Economics at Yale. “Every 10-decibel increase in shouting ‘Made in America’ correlates with a 15% boost in perceived authenticity, regardless of where the product was actually manufactured.”
The trend began innocuously enough when a Florida hardware store owner discovered that screaming “MADE IN AMERICA” while pointing at Chinese-manufactured tape measures increased sales by 340%. Within weeks, retailers nationwide adopted what industry insiders now call the “Bellowing Patriot Protocol.”
Like the dramatic declarations in a Bollywood masala film where the hero proclaims his intentions to the heavens, American entrepreneurs have embraced theatrical volume as the ultimate sales technique. One startup founder in Nevada even hired a former auctioneer to stand in his storefront and rhythmically chant “MADE! IN! AMERICA!” for eight hours daily, creating what customers describe as “uncomfortably intense retail therapy.”
Consumer protection agencies have expressed concern. “We’re seeing a troubling trend where loudness has replaced actual country-of-origin verification,” warns Federal Trade Commission spokesperson Janet Whisperstein. “Yesterday, we investigated a company selling ‘Made in America’ smartphones. Turns out they were regular iPhones, but the CEO was shouting really convincingly.”
The movement has even spawned a new cottage industry: Professional Patriotic Shouters (PPS), who rent themselves out to businesses for $200 per hour. Their job description is simple: stand near products and aggressively yell about American manufacturing while making intense eye contact with shoppers.
Social media has amplified the phenomenon. TikTok videos featuring the hashtag #MadeInAmericaShouting have garnered 47 million views, mostly featuring people screaming at their refrigerators, cars, and confused pets about domestic production values they cannot possibly verify.
As November approaches, political consultants are already incorporating the strategy into campaign materials. Early polling suggests that candidates who shout “Made in America” three times during debates see a 12-point bump among voters who describe themselves as “really into eagles and stuff.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/%c2%93made-in-america%c2%94-is-trending-mostly-because-of-shouting/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/%c2%93made-in-america%c2%94-is-trending-mostly-because-of-shouting/)
