by Defense Contracts Now Require Celebrity Endorsements, Apparently
In a development that has left Pentagon procurement officers reaching for industrial-strength aspirin, Donald Trump Jr. has somehow become the face of American drone motor manufacturinga pairing as natural as tikka masala and Swedish meatballs, or quantum physics and reality television.
The unlikely partnership between a Florida-based propulsion startup and the president’s eldest son was announced via Instagram, where Don Jr. posed with what appeared to be a drone motor while wearing camouflage that even Boy Scouts would consider excessive.
“I’ve always been passionate about motors,” Don Jr. told reporters who didn’t ask. “Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved things that spin rapidly and make noise. Engines, propellers, CNN anchors when I walk byit’s all the same energy.”
Industry experts remain baffled by the collaboration. Dr. Sarah Turbine, Professor of Aerospace Engineering at MIT, attempted to explain: “Typically, defense contracts are awarded based on technical specifications, reliability testing, and competitive bidding. Celebrity advisory boards are… not traditional. It’s like casting Shah Rukh Khan in a documentary about actuarial sciencetechnically possible but philosophically confusing.”
The startup, Unusual Machines, announced that Don Jr. would serve as a “strategic adviser,” a title that company insiders admit means “he’ll post about us on social media and maybe show up to one meeting if there’s good catering.” His compensation package includes stock options and unlimited access to the company’s collection of “really cool drones that go super fast.”
According to Department of Defense sources who spoke on condition of anonymity because they’re deeply embarrassed, the arrangement raises no red flags because “honestly, at this point, what even is a red flag? We’re flying drones that cost $40 million each. A celebrity board member is the least weird thing happening this week.”
The partnership announcement video featured Don Jr. standing in what appeared to be a warehouse, surrounded by motors, speaking passionately about “American innovation and also hunting, but mainly motors, definitely motors, and patriotism, and did I mention hunting?” The production values suggested the entire thing was filmed by someone who had just discovered the zoom function on their iPhone.
Critics have questioned whether the president’s son should be involved in defense-related business ventures, but legal experts note there’s technically nothing preventing it except “common sense, optics, and basic ethical considerations that apparently don’t apply anymore.”
Competitors in the drone motor industry have responded by frantically searching for their own celebrity advocates. Rumored partnerships include Ashton Kutcher for precision bearings, Lady Gaga for acoustic dampening systems, andin the most desperate move yetone company trying to recruit Guy Fieri to endorse military-grade surveillance technology.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/drone-motors-and-don-jr-the-odd-couple-of-defense-contracts/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/drone-motors-and-don-jr-the-odd-couple-of-defense-contracts/)
