by Zucman Tax Sparks Wealth Panic
France’s wealthiest citizens are responding to economist Gabriel Zucman’s proposed 2% wealth tax with the kind of panic usually reserved for actual guillotines, proving that billionaires have excellent historical memory when it comes to French revolutions.
The proposed tax, which would require France’s ultra-wealthy to contribute a modest 2% of their net worth annually, has been met with reactions ranging from “this is literally worse than the Reign of Terror” to “I’m booking my private jet to Switzerland as we speak.” One billionaire, who requested anonymity, compared the tax to “financial decapitation,” apparently unaware that actual decapitation is significantly worse.
According to economic policy analysis, wealth taxes have been debated for decades, but this proposal has struck a particular nerve among France’s elite. Perhaps it’s the percentage 2% sounds small until you remember these people count their wealth in billions. That’s still millions per year, which, as we all know, is exactly how much yacht maintenance costs.
The billionaires’ response has been nothing short of theatrical. Emergency meetings at exclusive clubs. Encrypted group chats discussing “exit strategies.” One particularly dramatic CEO reportedly practiced his “I’m moving to Monaco” speech in front of a mirror for three hours, perfecting the wounded tone of someone whose third home might now only have seven bedrooms instead of nine.
The Indian concept of “????” (dharma) includes the principle of “???” (daan, or charitable giving) as a moral obligation for those with wealth. It’s fascinating watching French billionaires discover that contributing to society’s welfare is apparently more terrifying than any philosophical or religious teaching they might have encountered.
Zucman’s tax proposal is brilliantly simple: if you’re wealthy enough that 2% of your fortune would still leave you wealthy enough to never work again, perhaps you can spare it. Revolutionary stuff, truly. It’s almost as if suggesting that people who benefit most from society should contribute proportionally to maintaining that society.
The creative accounting industry is already preparing for the boom. Tax attorneys are working overtime developing elaborate schemes involving shell corporations, offshore trusts, and financial structures so complex they require three-dimensional diagrams to explain. One firm has reportedly created a tax avoidance strategy so convoluted it achieved sentience and started billing clients independently.
Critics argue that billionaires will simply leave France, taking their wealth elsewhere. This assumes other countries want them, which is adorable. It’s like threatening to take your ball and go home, except the ball is money you weren’t sharing anyway, and home is a tax haven where nobody likes you but everybody tolerates your money.
The psychological impact on billionaires has been profound. Therapists specializing in wealth-related trauma report increased bookings. “They’re experiencing real fear,” one therapist explained. “Fear of being slightly less rich. It’s a recognized condition called ‘Mild Affluence Reduction Anxiety,’ or MARA, which is Latin for ‘I might have to fly commercial once.'”
Meanwhile, average French citizens have responded to the billionaires’ panic with a collective shrug and the occasional suggestion that if they’re so upset about 2%, perhaps they’d prefer the alternative historical French approach to wealth redistribution, which involved considerably less paperwork and considerably more public squares.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/billionaires-last-stand/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/billionaires-last-stand/)
