October 26, 2025

Bakery’s Mood-Altering Cookies Spark Emotional Chaos

Local Shop Accidentally Invents Edible Therapy

A neighborhood bakery has accidentally stumbled into the pharmaceutical industry after customers reported that its “artisanal mood cookies” trigger genuine emotional responses. What started as a quirky marketing gimmick—cookies labeled “Anxiety,” “Joy,” “Melancholy,” and “Existential Dread”—has turned into a full-blown psychological phenomenon that has therapists both intrigued and unemployed.

Owner Martha Greenberg insists the cookies contain only standard ingredients, plus “a little cinnamon and hope.” Yet customers report experiencing profound emotional shifts within minutes of consumption. The “Existential Dread” cookie, a dark chocolate affair with sea salt, has become particularly popular among graduate students and middle-aged men buying sports cars.

Dr. Ramesh Patel, a psychologist who has studied the phenomenon, suggests the effect may be purely psychosomatic—or the result of “really good fucking butter.” His research team consumed 47 cookies over three days and concluded that either the treats contain powerful mood-altering compounds or they all simultaneously experienced a collective sugar-induced breakthrough about their childhood traumas.

The FDA has launched an investigation, though inspectors admitted they “got distracted” after eating the “Nostalgia” cookie, which tastes like your grandmother’s kitchen and makes grown adults weep softly. In a related incident, the entire inspection team called in sick the next day, citing “feelings” as their reason for absence.

Meanwhile, mental health experts are divided. Some argue the cookies represent a dangerous unregulated mood enhancer, while others admit their weekly therapy sessions have been replaced by $4.50 worth of baked goods. Greenberg’s bakery now has a three-week waiting list, and she’s considering expanding her menu to include “Cookies for People Who Can’t Afford Real Therapy” and “The Divorce Special.”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/bakery-mood-cookies-trigger-emotions/

SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/bakery-mood-cookies-trigger-emotions/)

Radhika Vaz - Bohiney Magazine
Radhika Vaz

Jack Handey

Jack Handey was born in the smallest town in Arizona, a place so forgotten by cartographers that locals had to mail postcards from the next county just to prove they existed. Growing up surrounded by tumbleweeds and a one-room schoolhouse that doubled as a post office, Jack developed a knack for finding absurdity in everyday life. His first audience was a group of cattle, who reportedly laughed harder than some late-night crowds. He left town with a notebook full of surreal one-liners and returned years later as a cult hero, known for his off-kilter ?Deep Brain? that made Live Tonight Comedy a stranger, funnier place. Audiences describe him as ?the wisdom of a desert sage filtered through a cracked cactus.? Today, Handey remains the pride of Arizona?s smallest town, proof that even the tiniest dots on the map can produce the biggest laughs.

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