by Airline Plans to “Manifest” Improvements by 2026
In a bold announcement that has left aviation experts checking their calendars to see if it’s April Fools’ Day, Air India declared this week that it will achieve “world-class service” by 2026 through a revolutionary strategy that industry insiders are calling “aggressive optimism.”
Air India CEO Vikram Mehta unveiled the transformation plan at a press conference held in what appeared to be one of the airline’s newer aircrafta Boeing 787 that has only experienced three mechanical issues this month. “We’re not just upgrading our fleet,” Mehta announced while nervously eyeing the ceiling panels. “We’re upgrading our entire philosophy of customer service from ‘survivors will be compensated’ to ‘passengers might actually enjoy this.'”
The ambitious plan includes replacing seats that predate India’s economic liberalization, installing lounges with furniture that isn’t held together by optimism and duct tape, and training staff in the ancient art of smiling at customers. According to the International Air Transport Association, this represents the most optimistic timeline since someone suggested the Delhi Metro would solve traffic problems.
Dr. Anita Desai, Director of the Center for Aviation Fantasies, expressed cautious skepticism. “Air India promising world-class service by 2026 is like promising to climb Mount Everest after spending forty years sitting on your couch,” she explained. “Technically possible, but the gap between current reality and stated goals requires a suspension of disbelief typically reserved for Bollywood films.”
The airline’s strategy includes ordering new aircraft that will supposedly arrive on time, despite the fact that Air India flights themselves have never arrived on time. When pressed on this paradox, a spokesperson explained that “punctuality is a social construct.”
Passengers who have experienced Air India’s current service responded to the announcement with reactions ranging from “I’ll believe it when I see it” to hysterical laughter to quietly booking tickets on Emirates.
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Radhika Vaz)
