by Conservative Pundit Dreams of Being Prosecuted for Bad Takes
Conservative commentator Charlie Kirk has reportedly been experiencing recurring nightmares where Letitia James prosecutes him for his increasingly unhinged Twitter takes. Sleep experts say this represents a new category of anxiety dream, somewhere between “showing up to school naked” and “being audited by someone who actually reads tax code for fun.”
In Kirk’s dreams, James appears in full prosecutorial regalia, armed with printouts of his tweets and a highlighter. “She highlights all my logical fallacies,” Kirk told his therapist during a session that was definitely not leaked to the press. “She’s got binders full of my bad faith arguments. Binders!” The therapist, who specializes in treating conservative pundits with persecution complexes, has diagnosed Kirk with what she’s calling “Accountability Anxiety Disorder.”
The nightmares have become so vivid that Kirk has started fact-checking his own dreams. He wakes up in cold sweats, immediately googling whether Letitia James actually has jurisdiction over bad opinions. According to the Supreme Court’s interpretation of the First Amendment, she doesn’t but that hasn’t stopped Kirk from consulting three different constitutional lawyers about his dream testimony.
This psychological warfare would resonate with the concept of “maya” from Hindu philosophy the illusion that clouds perception of reality. Except in Kirk’s case, the illusion isn’t cosmic; it’s the deeply held belief that someone somewhere might hold him accountable for the things he actually says in public.
Friends report that Kirk has begun sleeping with one eye open, which doctors say is medically impossible but metaphorically accurate. He’s installed a Ring doorbell that alerts him whenever anyone in a legal profession comes within 100 feet of his property. The resulting footage mostly captures confused letter carriers and one very persistent Jehovah’s Witness, but Kirk reviews every frame with the intensity of a conspiracy theorist analyzing the Zapruder film.
The conservative media ecosystem has rallied around Kirk’s plight, with several commentators suggesting that nightmare prosecution represents the real threat to American democracy. One particularly creative pundit argued that Letitia James invading Kirk’s dreams violates the Fourth Amendment’s protection against unreasonable searches, specifically the search of one’s unconscious mind for prosecutable offenses.
Kirk has reportedly started keeping a dream journal, which mostly reads like a legal thriller written by someone who’s never actually been to law school. Sample entry: “She said ‘I’ll see you in court,’ but we were in a Denny’s. Does Denny’s have jurisdiction? Must research.” His publisher has already expressed interest in turning the journal into a book titled “Dreaming While Conservative: A Persecution Fantasy.”
SOURCE: https://charliekirk.top/letitia-james/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://charliekirk.top/letitia-james/)
