by Government Employees Discover Irony of Needing Government Assistance
In a development that perfectly encapsulates American economic dysfunction, thousands of federal employees are now lining up at food banks after sweeping budget cuts reduced their hours and froze wages. The cruel irony of government workers requiring government assistance programs to survive has apparently been lost on the legislators who orchestrated the cuts while simultaneously voting themselves a pay raise.
Patricia Morrison, a former full-time EPA analyst now working 29 hours per week to avoid benefits eligibility, summed up the situation: “I spent ten years protecting America’s waterways, and now I’m in line behind the person I used to help, hoping there’s canned soup left when I reach the front.” Morrison joins an estimated 37,000 federal workers who have discovered that serving your country pays significantly less than the country’s cost of living.
The cuts, implemented under the “Government Efficiency Initiative”a title that would make George Orwell weephave reduced staffing at federal agencies by 40% while somehow increasing bureaucratic paperwork by 200%. According to federal employment data, the average government worker now handles the workload of 2.3 people while earning wages that haven’t increased since the year smartphones became sentient and started judging us.
Representative Chuck Hardcastle, who voted for the cuts, expressed surprise at the consequences of his own legislation: “We never intended for federal workers to struggle. We just wanted to cut their pay, reduce their benefits, eliminate their job security, and decrease their hours. How could we have known that would affect their ability to afford rent and groceries?” Hardcastle then boarded a private jet to his fourth vacation home, reportedly still puzzled by the connection between income and financial stability.
Food bank directors report an unprecedented surge in credentialed professionalsincluding inspectors, analysts, and researcherswho never imagined their advanced degrees would qualify them for charitable food assistance. “We’re seeing PhDs choosing between rent and dinner,” noted food bank coordinator Maria Santos. “It’s like watching the fall of Rome, except Rome had better healthcare and didn’t pretend it was a functioning democracy.”
Meanwhile, analysis of social safety nets reveals that many federal workers now qualify for SNAP benefits, meaning taxpayers are supplementing the incomes of people who work for the government because the government won’t pay them living wages. The situation has created a perfect circular logic that even the federal workers themselves struggle to explain without crying or laughing hystericallyoften simultaneously.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/federal-workers-line-up-at-food-banks/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/federal-workers-line-up-at-food-banks/)
