by Wichita Falls Discovers Nature’s Landscapers
In a move that’s being called “revolutionary,” “genius,” and “why didn’t we think of this in 1823,” Wichita Falls has hired 500 goats for landscaping duties after discovering that human landscapers had the audacity to expect living wages and benefits.
The city’s groundbreaking goatscaping initiative represents what economists call “thinking inside the barn” a innovative approach where local government realizes that animals will work for literal peanuts (or in this case, weeds and grass). The 500-strong caprine workforce clocked in Monday morning, immediately setting to work without demanding healthcare, retirement plans, or even bathroom breaks.
“It’s brilliant,” explained City Manager Tom Henderson, standing proudly next to a goat munching on invasive species. “These employees don’t unionize, never call in sick, and their only demand is more stuff to eat. It’s the perfect labor force!” When asked about the ethical implications, Henderson pointed out that the goats seemed pretty happy, which is more than could be said for the human landscapers they replaced.
According to environmental conservation studies, goats have been used for land management for centuries, but this marks the first time they’ve been explicitly hired because humans were “too expensive.” It’s eco-friendly classism at its finest.
The goats, organized into specialized teams, tackle different terrain with the efficiency of a well-oiled machine. Team Alpha handles the steep embankments along Route 287, while the Beta Squad manages the city parks. There’s even an elite unit called the “G.O.A.T. Squad” (Grass Obliteration and Terrain) handling the particularly overgrown areas near the lake.
Local residents have embraced their new municipal employees with surprising enthusiasm. Children give them names, tourists take selfies with them, and several goats have developed cult followings on social media. One particularly photogenic goat named “Sir Chews-a-Lot” has 47,000 Instagram followers and a verified account.
In Indian agriculture, goats have long been valued as efficient land managers a tradition spanning thousands of years. The Hindi term “???? ????” (bakri palan, or goat rearing) represents not just animal husbandry but a sustainable agricultural practice that Western cities are only now discovering through budget constraints.
The human landscapers, meanwhile, have formed a support group called “Replaced by Ruminants” where they process their feelings about being economically outcompeted by animals with rectangular pupils. “I have a degree in horticulture,” one former worker lamented. “I was beaten by something that eats tin cans.”
City officials project saving $2.3 million annually through the goatscaping program, though they’ve had to allocate $47,000 for “unexpected goat-related infrastructure modifications” after several employees ate through wooden fences, consumed important paperwork left outdoors, and one memorable incident involving the mayor’s prized rose bushes.
The program’s success has inspired neighboring cities. Dallas is considering hiring a flock of sheep for highway medians, while Austin always trying to be weird is exploring the possibility of employing emus for park maintenance, though early trials suggest emus are less interested in landscaping and more interested in chaos.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/goatscaping/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/goatscaping/)
