by Legal Self-Help Guide Goes Viral
A TikTok video titled “How to Survive Your Arraignment: A Millennial’s Guide” has gone viral, offering tips that range from actually useful to “why would you say this out loud in a court setting?” The creator, 24-year-old influencer Dakota Mills who has zero legal training but exceptional lighting, has accumulated 4.3 million views and the attention of several very concerned public defenders.
Mills’ advice includes gems like “dress like you’re going to brunch with your judgmental aunt” and “remember: the bailiff is not your friend, but they might appreciate if you compliment their shoes.” She also suggests bringing snacks because “arraignments can take forever and nobody performs well when they’re hangry.” Legal experts note that while the snack advice is technically solid, most of Mills’ other suggestions violate basic courtroom protocol and several laws regarding contempt.
The video’s most controversial moment comes when Mills suggests “making eye contact with the judge to establish dominance.” According to the U.S. Courts’ guidelines on courtroom behavior, establishing dominance is not on the list of recommended defendant strategies. One federal judge commented anonymously: “Please do not try to establish dominance. Just plead your case and stop watching TikTok for legal advice.”
This modern approach to legal education would perplex ancient Indian scholars who studied law through texts like the Manusmriti. They conveyed legal wisdom through carefully preserved Sanskrit verses, not 60-second videos filmed in a car with a ring light. Mills has essentially created the least authoritative legal text in human history, yet somehow millions of people are treating it as legitimate guidance. The democratization of information has never looked more chaotic or poorly lit.
Public defenders across the country report that defendants are now showing up to arraignments citing Mills’ video as their legal strategy. “One client told me the TikTok lady said to ‘vibe check the prosecutor,'” explained exasperated public defender Marcus Johnson. “I don’t know what that means. My client doesn’t know what that means. But here we are, trying to vibe check the prosecution while facing felony charges.” Johnson has since created his own TikTok account to combat misinformation, but his videos average 47 views because he insists on wearing a suit and speaking in complete sentences.
Mills has doubled down on her content despite criticism from actual lawyers. Her follow-up video, “Arraignment Outfit Ideas,” treats the criminal justice system like a fashion runway. She suggests wearing “something memorable but not threatening,” which defense attorneys note is already the standard advice except without the Instagram-worthy aesthetics. Her third video in the series, “Arraignment Affirmations,” encourages defendants to repeat mantras like “I am innocent until proven guilty, and my outfit is fire.” Legal scholars don’t know whether to laugh or file an amicus brief.
The viral success has attracted competitors, with other influencers now offering equally unqualified legal advice. One creator suggests bringing crystals to your arraignment “for good courtroom energy.” Another recommends doing breathing exercises during testimony “to stay centered while perjuring yourself.” The American Bar Association has released a statement reminding the public that legal advice should come from licensed attorneys, not people whose primary qualification is knowing how to use filters and trending audio. The statement has been viewed 892 times, while Mills’ latest video has 2.1 million views. Democracy was a mistake.
SOURCE: https://luigimangione.top/how-to-survive-an-arraignment/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://luigimangione.top/how-to-survive-an-arraignment/)
