by From Morning Meetings to Midday Meditation: The New Norm
In a landmark decision that has shocked absolutely no one in New Delhi, the Indian government has mandated yoga sessions for all office workers nationwide. Experts say that from now on, employees will spend more time in downward dog than in spreadsheet analysis. A recent survey by the Totally Reliable Institute of Workplace Happiness found that 98% of workers reported feeling ‘mildly judged’ when attempting the crow pose at their desks.
Eyewitnesses at major corporate offices report that managers are enthusiastically leading sessions, often while wearing neon-colored leotards. One anonymous staffer confessed, ‘I joined the meeting thinking it was optional. Now I know my career depends on perfecting the warrior pose.’ Meanwhile, tech startups in Bengaluru are scrambling to implement virtual yoga rooms to accommodate their remote workforce. Analysts predict a 200% increase in office chairs being repurposed as makeshift yoga props.
Dr. Anita Stretchwell, a certified yoga therapist, claims that this initiative will boost productivity by 17.6%, though she admits she ‘pulled that number out of thin air.’ Economists caution that while the health benefits may be real, the inevitable increase in social media posts of mid-pose selfies could create new workplace distractions. One worker commented, ‘I just wanted a coffee, now I’m in a yoga battle royale with my colleagues.’
Critics argue that mandatory yoga blurs the line between wellness and surveillance. In an ironic twist, the government has introduced a ‘Yoga Compliance App’ that tracks employee flexibility. Reports indicate that failing to hold a plank for more than 45 seconds could result in fines, demotion, or public shaming on office Slack channels. As India steps confidently into this wellness revolution, the question remains: Will we master inner peace or just perfect the art of looking calm while silently cursing our managers?
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Radhika Vaz)
