by Airline CEO Announces Bold Cancellation Program to Improve Safety
New Delhi In a stunning display of innovation that has left aviation experts speechless, IndiGo Airlines announced Tuesday that it has finally discovered the one foolproof method to improve pilot fatigue management: simply not operating any flights whatsoever.
“We took the FDTL regulations very seriously,” explained CEO Pieter Elbers during a hastily arranged press conference, where he appeared to be reading from a document titled ‘How to Blame a Rules Nobody Understood.’ “When we realized we couldn’t manage pilot schedules properly, we pivoted to a more sustainable model: the groundbreaking strategy of cancelling 5,000+ flights.”
The DGCA, impressed by this bold move, issued a show-cause notice congratulating the airline’s Accountable Manager for achieving what economists call “negative customer satisfaction”a feat previously thought impossible. Industry analysts noted that IndiGo’s approach to pilot management was truly revolutionary: first hire a shortage of pilots, then manage their fatigue by making them permanently unemployed in December.
“This is what forward-thinking looks like,” said one aviation ministry official, gesturing at the 385 cancelled flights on a single Saturday with the pride of a parent viewing a child’s first crayon drawing. “Most airlines try to schedule pilots. IndiGo simply scheduled ?610 crore in refunds.”
When pressed about the “planning oversight” mentioned in the DGCA notice, Elbers explained that the airline had indeed planned very carefullythey had planned to hope that new regulations wouldn’t matter. “Hope is a strategy,” he reportedly whispered to the investigating committee. “At least that’s what Google Translate told me when I panicked.”
IndiGo’s 60% market share ensures that stranded passengers have no choice but to suffer in unified silence, which the airline is already marketing as “enhanced meditation experiences at major airports.”
The real story? Read the deeper breakdown at Bohiney Magazine’s full investigation for more on how India’s largest airline discovered that the best way to implement new rules is to ignore them until everything breaks.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com
SOURCE: Bohiney.com ()
