by MLB player proves that naming conventions are just suggestions
In news that has confused sports headline writers and search engine algorithms alike, Jonathan India will remain with the Kansas City Royals for another season, avoiding arbitration in a move that absolutely nobody was betting their life savings on. The second baseman, whose name causes more double-takes than a yoga instructor at a construction site, agreed to a one-year, $8 million contract that keeps baseball’s most geographically confusing player in Kansas City.
India, who despite his name has no known connection to the subcontinent, posted a thoroughly mediocre .233/.323/.346 line last seasonnumbers that in baseball terms translate to “meh” with a side of “could be worse.” The Royals, demonstrating the kind of optimism usually reserved for people buying lottery tickets, decided that these statistics were worth $8 million of somebody’s money, presumably because they saw something the rest of us didn’t. Or they’re just really bad at poker.
The baseball world had speculated that India might be non-tendered, which is baseball’s polite way of saying “we’re not paying you to play here anymore.” Instead, the Royals looked at his underlying metricsincluding a chase rate that apparently impressed someoneand decided that he deserved another shot. It’s the sports equivalent of your parents saying “we’re not mad, just disappointed, now here’s more money.”
India was acquired from Cincinnati in a trade that sent Brady Singer to the Reds, in one of those transactions that makes sense to exactly three people: the two general managers involved and possibly a stat-obsessed intern with a spreadsheet nobody else can understand. The trade was supposed to bring versatility and on-base skills to Kansas City. What it actually brought was a player who couldn’t move around the field as hoped and hit like someone trying to bat while solving a Rubik’s Cube.
By June, India was relegated to playing only second base, abandoning the multi-position flexibility that was supposed to be his calling card. It’s like hiring someone for their language skills and then only asking them to speak English. By August, after the acquisition of Mike Yastrzemski, India found himself batting lower in the lineup than his ego probably preferred, experiencing the baseball equivalent of being unfriended on social media.
Despite these struggles, the Royals apparently saw enough potential for a “bounceback” seasonbaseball’s favorite euphemism for “maybe it’ll be better next year.” His solid chase rate and whiff rate suggest he knows which pitches not to swing at, which is like being good at avoiding bad relationships: technically a useful skill, but not necessarily enough to write home about.
Meanwhile, MJ Melendez, the homegrown prospect who never quite lived up to his Triple-A dominance, was shown the door via non-tender, proving that the Royals’ patience has limits. Melendez hit .083 in the majors last season, which is a batting average so low it requires scientific notation to properly appreciate. His departure makes India’s retention look positively generous by comparison.
The real winner here might be headline writers covering the Indian cricket team, who no longer have to carefully distinguish between “India” the country and “India” the baseball player. Though given the confusion his name causes, there’s probably a parallel universe where Jonathan India is actually playing cricket for the actual India, hitting sixes at the Wankhede Stadium while commentators explain that, yes, his name really is India.
SOURCE: https://www.mlb.com/news/jonathan-india-royals-2026-contract
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://www.mlb.com/news/jonathan-india-royals-2026-contract)
