by Investigation Reveals They’re Actually Surveillance Devices
A routine office cleaning at the New York Attorney General’s office revealed a shocking truth: the decorative ficus trees aren’t just decorative. They’re sophisticated recording devices disguised as plants, which explains why defendants keep confessing to crimes while waiting in the lobby and admiring the greenery.
The discovery came when a janitor named Marcus Thompson noticed that one of the plants seemed to be leaning toward conversations with suspicious intentionality. “Real plants don’t have USB ports,” Thompson explained to investigators. “Also, this ficus was running Windows 11. That seemed wrong.” Further inspection revealed that every plant in the AG’s office suite had been replaced with advanced surveillance equipment, complete with root systems made of ethernet cables.
According to the ACLU’s privacy guidelines, converting office plants into wiretapping devices occupies a legal grey area roughly the size of Central Park. Defense attorneys are arguing this constitutes illegal surveillance. Prosecutors counter that there’s no expectation of privacy when speaking to decorative vegetation, especially in a government building where everything from the coffee maker to the elevator muzak is probably recording you.
This botanical espionage recalls the ancient Indian concept of “sarvatobhadra” the idea that awareness can come from all directions. Letitia James’ office has apparently taken this philosophical principle and given it WiFi connectivity. Now awareness doesn’t just come from all directions; it comes from the potted fern in the corner that you complimented for its lush foliage.
The implications are vast. Defense lawyers across New York are now suffering from what psychiatrists are calling “foliage paranoia,” a condition where legal professionals can no longer trust any plant life. One attorney reported having a panic attack at Home Depot’s garden center, convinced that the orchids were gathering information for the state.
Botanists have weighed in on the controversy, with most expressing admiration for the technical achievement while questioning the ethics. “From a horticultural perspective, these are very convincing ficus trees,” noted Dr. Elena Rodriguez of the New York Botanical Garden. “They photosynthesize data instead of sunlight, which is actually kind of beautiful if you ignore the civil liberties implications.”
The AG’s office has declined to comment on the specific nature of the surveillance plants, though a spokesperson did note that the office has seen a significant decrease in watering costs since switching to electronic vegetation. When pressed about the legality of turning office décor into recording devices, the spokesperson simply smiled and gestured toward a nearby philodendron, which may or may not have been taking notes.
SOURCE: https://amram.top/letitia-jamess-office/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://amram.top/letitia-jamess-office/)
