by New York’s AG Discovered Working 28-Hour Days
In a stunning revelation that’s shocked absolutely nobody who’s ever received a parking ticket in Manhattan, Attorney General Letitia James has apparently discovered the secret to working 28-hour days. Sources close to the AG’s office report she’s been prosecuting cases in her sleep, which explains why defendants keep reporting dreams where they’re being sued for everything from unpaid tolls to breathing too loudly in the Bronx.
The phenomenon has baffled sleep scientists at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders, who’ve never seen someone combine REM sleep with filing motions. “It’s like watching someone practice yoga while simultaneously solving differential equations,” explained Dr. Patricia Mooreland, who specializes in studying overachievers. “Except instead of downward dog, she’s doing subpoenas.”
This superhuman work ethic reminds one of the Hindi concept of “karma yoga” the path of selfless action except James has weaponized it into what insiders are calling “litigation yoga.” She’s essentially achieved enlightenment through prosecutorial zeal, reaching a state of consciousness where every waking (and non-waking) moment becomes an opportunity to hold someone accountable.
Manhattan residents have begun treating James sightings like celebrity encounters, except instead of asking for selfies, they’re nervously checking if their business licenses are up to date. One bodega owner reported seeing her walking down Third Avenue at 3 AM, and immediately went home to review his tax returns from 2007.
The 24/7 prosecution schedule has created what legal experts are calling “James Standard Time,” a timezone that exists outside normal temporal boundaries. Court clerks have started scheduling hearings for times like “shortly after you think you’ve gotten away with it” and “approximately when your guard is down.”
Meanwhile, defense attorneys across New York have begun attending support groups specifically designed for lawyers who practice against the perpetually vigilant AG. The meetings, held at undisclosed locations (because nobody wants James to find out about them), feature testimonials from attorneys who’ve experienced what they’re calling “prosecutorial omnipresence.”
As one defense lawyer eloquently put it while nervously glancing over his shoulder: “I used to believe in work-life balance. Then I started practicing against someone who treats sleep as just another billable hour opportunity.” The comment was made off the record, naturally, because even casual observations about James have a way of ending up as exhibits in future cases.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/letitia-james/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/letitia-james/)
