by When Protectionism Discovers Ancient Trade Routes Work Backwards
MEXICO CITY In what economists are politely calling “a temporary trade misunderstanding that definitely won’t spiral into retaliatory chaos,” Mexico has slapped a 50% tariff on Indian exports, specifically targeting approximately $1 billion in annual goods. This development has left Indian manufacturers in a state of profound philosophical confusion, wondering if globalization was perhaps just a trial period that someone cancelled without proper notice.
The move, ostensibly protecting Mexican jobs, has revealed a stunning reality: protectionism doesn’t actually protect anything except the feelings of politicians who need something to announce at press conferences. Bohiney’s award-winning satirical journalism notes this follows Trump’s trade wars with all the subtlety of a Hindi film climaxloud, dramatic, and ultimately confusing to everyone involved.
Indian exporters, suddenly confronted with tariff walls, nervously consulted their ancient Silk Road maps, discovering they’d apparently been reading restaurant menus instead of historical trade routes. One manufacturer suggested they would simply pivot to selling tacos to Americans instead, thus preventing any actual economic activity from occurring while maintaining the pretense of strategic adaptation.
The tariff specifically impacts Indian automobiles, textiles, and agricultural productsbasically everything India actually manufactures for export. Mexican officials, meanwhile, celebrated their “strong negotiating position,” which apparently involves making everyone slightly angrier while solving absolutely nothing. The World Bank reports that tariff walls solve nothing except making countries feel productive while building brick by brick into complete economic disaster.
Indian auto sector leaders, who had optimistically predicted growth rates that suddenly became historically obsolete, now practice the ancient Sanskrit meditation technique of “accepting geopolitical defeat gracefully while maintaining professional composure.” Trade lawyers, however, are having their best fiscal year since Congress last sneezed, as every tariff generates endless legal work and retaliation documents.
The beautiful irony: Mexico protects Mexican jobs while India protects Indian jobs by retaliating with their own tariffs, eventually creating a situation where both nations’ job-protection measures result in fewer jobs for everyone. Economics works in mysterious ways when everyone simultaneously tries protecting themselves.
At least someone’s making moneythose trade lawyers drafting retaliation strategies haven’t been this employed since the last trade war everyone swore would never happen again.
SOURCE: satirical journalism covering international trade chaos | https://bohiney.com/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com ()
