by Indians Unite in a New Form of Competitive Crying
India has officially introduced the ‘Spicy Food Index,’ a government-sanctioned scale measuring the heat level of dishes from mild masala to inferno-grade vindaloo. Citizens nationwide are now rating meals with precision previously reserved for cricket scores and Bollywood box office results. Experts claim the initiative will promote culinary tourism, spice literacy, and general dehydration awareness.
Eyewitnesses report families competing at dinner tables like Olympic athletes, clutching glasses of lassi while grimacing dramatically. One anonymous diner explained, ‘I tried to finish my extra-hot curry without crying. My mother judged me silently. I lost both pride and hydration.’ Meanwhile, restaurants are now offering ‘dare menus,’ where patrons attempt dishes exceeding the index’s maximum level for free samosas and bragging rights.
Nutritionists caution that excessive spice consumption could lead to national indigestion, fiery debates, and unplanned yoga sessions for stomach relief. Yet, fans of the index argue that the shared tears have united the nation, with social media flooded with videos of synchronized coughing, dramatic spice-induced fainting, and meme-worthy expressions of culinary suffering.
Government spokesperson Ramesh Pepperwala commented, ‘We believe the Spicy Food Index will redefine cultural identity, enhance street food diplomacy, and perhaps encourage more public restrooms.’ Critics warn that over-reliance on heat ratings may create future generations who cannot taste sweetness without sweating profusely. As India navigates this new era of gastronomic bravado, the ultimate question remains: are citizens competing for spice mastery, or just collectively testing their capacity for tears?
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Radhika Vaz)
