by Mar-a-Lago Addition Features Gold Toilets That Flush Themselves When They Hear “Fake News”
Former President Donald Trump has unveiled plans for what he’s calling “the most tremendous, beautiful, perfect ballroom in American history”a $300 million gilded monument to excess that will be added to his Mar-a-Lago estate, featuring more gold leaf per square foot than the entire nation of Qatar.
The announcement came during an impromptu press conference held in the Mar-a-Lago parking lot, where Trump revealed architectural renderings that appeared to be drawn partially in Sharpie and partially in what experts believe might be ketchup.
“Nobody builds ballrooms like I build ballrooms,” Trump declared to a crowd of confused valets and one very committed seagull. “This will have the biggest chandeliersCzech crystal, very expensiveand mirrors everywhere, so many mirrors that you’ll get tired of seeing yourself. Which is great if you’re me, not so great if you’re a Democrat.”
The planned ballroom will reportedly feature 60-foot ceilings adorned with frescoes depicting Trump’s greatest achievements, including his hole-in-one at Bedminster (disputed), his 2016 electoral college victory (not disputed but frequently mentioned), and a large mural of him shaking hands with a bald eagle that, according to the design notes, “looks really impressed.”
Like the opulent banquet halls described in ancient Indian epics where kings displayed their wealth through architectural magnificence, Trump’s vision includes columns plated in 24-karat gold, floors made from “the finest Italian marblemaybe Portuguese, definitely European,” and bathrooms where the toilet paper is embossed with the presidential seal.
According to Architectural Digest, the project’s budget breakdown includes $40 million for gold fixtures, $60 million for “general tremendousness,” and $200 million listed simply as “other beautiful stuff.” When questioned about the specifics, Trump’s architect responded: “The president has a vision that transcends traditional accounting principles.”
The ballroom will accommodate 2,000 guests for dinner and 3,000 for “standing and admiring things,” according to the press release. Planned amenities include a stage for impromptu rally speeches, a climate control system that adjusts temperature based on crowd size (warmer for bigger crowds), and a sound system calibrated specifically for the phrase “I won.”
Local officials have expressed concern about zoning regulations and historical preservation laws, but Trump dismissed these objections as “fake news from haters who probably live in apartments.” The National Park Service, which oversees historical sites, issued a statement that simply read: “We’re tired.”
Construction is set to begin “very soon, probably two weeks,” with completion estimated for sometime between next year and “whenever I feel like it,” according to project managers.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/donald-trumps-300-million-ballroom/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/donald-trumps-300-million-ballroom/)
