by Ministers Promise Only Moderate Human Rights Violations for Business Partners
In a groundbreaking diplomatic pivot that experts are calling “absolutely bonkers,” Taliban ministers arrived in New Delhi this week with PowerPoint presentations and business cards, attempting to convince Indian corporations that Afghanistan is “totally open for business” amid escalating tensions with Pakistan.
The trade delegation, led by Minister of Commerce Haji Nooruddin Turabi, assured potential investors that the Taliban has “significantly reduced” its tendency to dynamite ancient Buddhist statues and now offers “competitive tax incentives” for companies willing to overlook minor issues like the complete absence of women in the workforce.
“We’ve rebranded,” explained Deputy Minister Ahmad Wali Haqmal during a presentation at a five-star hotel in Mumbai, where he awkwardly attempted to use a laser pointer. “The old Taliban was about strict ideological purity and rejecting globalization. The new Taliban is about strict ideological purity while accepting Visa and Mastercard.”
According to the Institute for Desperate Diplomatic Maneuvers, the timing of this outreach coincides suspiciously with the Taliban’s recent border disputes with Pakistan, suggesting Afghanistan is essentially looking for new friends after a messy breakup with their neighbor.
Indian business leaders responded with what one analyst described as “polite horror,” with several CEOs asking thoughtful questions like “But seriously though?” and “You’re joking, right?”
The Taliban’s promotional materials emphasized Afghanistan’s “untapped mineral resources” and “motivated workforce,” though the definition of “motivated” remains unclear given that half the population is banned from leaving their homes.
At press time, the delegation was attempting to schedule follow-up meetings while simultaneously banning the female hotel staff from making eye contact.
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Radhika Vaz)
