by Five-Hour Explanation Leaves Everyone More Confused
After years of deflecting questions with phrases like “decentralized ledger” and “you just don’t get it yet,” cryptocurrency enthusiast Brad Sorenson finally sat down to explain blockchain technology in detail. Five hours, fourteen whiteboards, and forty-seven increasingly desperate analogies later, nobody understood blockchain any better, and several attendees reported feeling dumber than when they arrived.
“Think of it like a distributed network of trust protocols,” Sorenson began, already losing his audience. “But also like a digital handshake, except there’s no hands, and also no shaking, and actually forget the handshake analogy entirely.” Witnesses report that around the two-hour mark, Sorenson started drawing increasingly abstract diagrams that resembled either complex mathematics or the doodles of someone having a nervous breakdown.
The explanation included references to Byzantine Generals, mining that involves no actual mining, and something called “proof of stake” that apparently has nothing to do with vampires or steakhouses. When audience member Janet Rodriguez asked how blockchain differs from a regular database, Sorenson’s left eye began twitching, and he launched into a thirty-minute tangent about “trustless systems” that somehow made everyone trust the entire concept less.
According to financial technology experts, blockchain is essentially a distributed databasethough saying this to crypto enthusiasts typically triggers a forty-minute lecture about how “you just don’t understand the revolutionary implications.” Sorenson’s presentation included multiple uses of the words “paradigm,” “disrupt,” and “ecosystem,” all of which seemed legally required for any crypto discussion.
The presentation reached its apex when Sorenson declared, “Imagine if your grandmother’s recipe book was stored across millions of computers worldwide, and every time someone made her cookies, a complex mathematical equation would verify that the cookies were authentic, and also everyone would know about the cookies, but also somehow the cookie recipe would remain private.” At this point, three people walked out, two fell asleep, and one person muttered, “Isn’t this just Venmo with extra steps?”
When pressed for a simple explanation of how blockchain creates value, Sorenson suggested attendees read a 47-page whitepaper he wrote, watch a four-hour YouTube tutorial series, and “free their minds from traditional financial thinking.” Meanwhile, regulatory authorities continue investigating whether blockchain’s primary use case is solving problems that don’t exist or creating new problems for solutions that already work.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/crypto-bro-finally-explains-blockchain-still-makes-no-fucking-sense/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/crypto-bro-finally-explains-blockchain-still-makes-no-fucking-sense/)
