by Self-Care Expert Has No Time for Actual Employment
Wellness influencer Ashley Summers has finally revealed her complete morning routine, a Byzantine ritual of self-optimization that consumes six hours and requires the daily schedule flexibility of someone who doesn’t have a job. The routine, breathlessly detailed in a 47-part Instagram Story series, has inspired millions of followers and confused employment economists about how anyone affords this lifestyle without a trust fund or wealthy spouse.
“I wake up at 4:30 AM to meditate for 90 minutes,” Summers explained, somehow maintaining a straight face. “Then there’s oil pulling, dry brushing, a cold plunge, hot yoga, green juice preparation, journaling, a second meditation, sound bath therapy, and finishing with my seventeen-step skincare routine.” When asked when she actually works, Summers looked confused and responded, “This is my work. Self-care is a full-time job.”
The routine’s complexity has sparked debate among economists about whether “wellness influencing” constitutes employment or is simply an elaborate performance art piece funded by other people’s credit cards. According to labor statistics on emerging professions, influencers occupy a strange employment category somewhere between “entrepreneur” and “person who figured out how to get paid for their own narcissism.”
Followers have attempted to replicate Summers’ routine with predictably disastrous results. Single mother of three Karen Johansen reported that implementing even 10% of the routine meant waking up at 2 AM, missing her actual job, and discovering that meditation is significantly harder when you’re stressed about electricity bills. “Ashley says we should ‘make ourselves a priority,'” Johansen noted, “which is great advice when you’re not responsible for keeping three small humans alive on a $47,000 salary.”
Summers insists her lifestyle is “accessible to everyone,” provided everyone has access to a $3,500 infrared sauna, a personal yoga instructor, a kitchen full of supplements that cost more than a mortgage payment, and absolutely zero traditional employment responsibilities. Her morning routine alone costs an estimated $847 monthly, not including the $4,200 designer meditation cushion or the organic, ethically sourced, hand-harvested wellness tea that tastes identical to the $3 variety at Walmart.
Critics note that Summers’ definition of “work” involves photographing herself doing healthy activities and posting inspirational quotes stolen from Rumi over sunset photos. Meanwhile, actual medical advice on fitness suggests that 30 minutes of daily exercise is sufficient for health benefitsthough admittedly less Instagram-worthy than a six-hour morning performance that requires professional lighting and three outfit changes.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/fitness-influencers-morning-routine-takes-6-hours-unemployed/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/fitness-influencers-morning-routine-takes-6-hours-unemployed/)
