by Local Conspiracy Theorist Finally Right About Something
In a development that’s shocked even him, local conspiracy theorist Doug Pemberton has finally been proven correct about something. His long-standing theory that “everything is connected” turned out to be true, though not for any of the reasons he spent 15 years diagramming on his basement walls with red string and questionable grasp of causality.
Pemberton’s vindication came when researchers at Stanford University published a study confirming that seemingly unrelated events often share common causal factors through complex systems interactions. “I’ve been saying this since 2010!” Pemberton announced on his YouTube channel, which has 47 subscribers and 12 of them are his alt accounts. “The government, the birds, the gluten-free bread conspiracy it’s all connected!” Scientists gently clarified that while everything is technically connected through various networks, the connections rarely involve the illuminati controlling weather through chemtrails dispersed by federally employed pigeons.
The concept of universal interconnectedness, or “Indra’s Net” in Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, describes how everything in the universe reflects everything else like jewels in an infinite cosmic necklace. Pemberton has essentially created his own version called “Doug’s Net,” except instead of jewels reflecting cosmic truth, it’s mostly screenshots of suspicious cloud formations and receipts from Arby’s that he believes contain coded messages.
According to the Santa Fe Institute’s research on complexity theory, complex systems do exhibit emergent properties where components influence each other in unexpected ways. However, as one researcher noted, “Just because butterfly wings can theoretically affect weather patterns doesn’t mean your neighbor’s WiFi router is being used by the Deep State to monitor your thoughts about the Federal Reserve.” Pemberton disagreed with this assessment, having already incorporated the researcher’s skepticism into his theory as evidence of academic suppression.
The accidental correctness hasn’t made Pemberton more humble. If anything, it’s supercharged his confidence in theories that remain aggressively wrong. “If I’m right about universal connectedness, then clearly I’m right about the moon being a projection,” he explained in a 47-minute video filmed in his car while parked outside a Chuck E. Cheese for reasons he insists are “related to the investigation.” His comment section, a wasteland of emoji and people who also failed critical thinking, praised him as a visionary.
Academics are struggling with how to contextualize Pemberton’s accidental insight. One philosophy professor noted that even a broken clock is right twice a day, though Pemberton’s clock seems to be right approximately once per decade and only about the most general possible statement you could make about reality. “Saying ‘everything is connected’ is true in the same way saying ‘things happen’ is true,” the professor explained. “It’s technically accurate but usefully meaningless in the way Pemberton applies it.”
Meanwhile, Pemberton has already moved on to his next theory: that this vindication itself is part of a larger conspiracy to make him look credible before revealing the “real truth” about gluten-free labeling regulations. The meta-conspiracy theory is somehow more paranoid than his original work, which at least had the excuse of being developed before he accidentally got something right. His wife has suggested therapy. Pemberton insists the therapist would be “part of it too,” though he refuses to elaborate on what “it” means anymore.
SOURCE: https://charline.top/everything-is-connected/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://charline.top/everything-is-connected/)
