This Satire Is 100% Human

Website Guarantees No AI Involvement

In a desperate bid to differentiate themselves from the tsunami of AI-generated content flooding the internet, satire website BohineyNews.com has begun prominently displaying a “100% Human-Written” badge on every article. The badge features a poorly drawn stick figure and the tagline “Mediocrity You Can Trust,” which founder Marcus Bradford insists “captures our unique value proposition in an age of algorithmic content creation.”

The certification process involves writers submitting to a humanity test that includes questions like “Describe a time you disappointed your parents” and “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done at a wedding?” One writer reported: “They asked me to explain why I still feel guilty about something that happened in third grade. Only humans carry that kind of specific, irrational shame.” The test has a 100% accuracy rate at detecting humans, mostly because AI language models don’t have repressed childhood memories or the ability to cringe at their own past behavior.

Bradford developed the human verification system after readers complained they couldn’t tell whether articles were written by actual humans or sophisticated AI trained on sarcasm and dad jokes. “The AI stuff is getting too good,” Bradford explained while nervously glancing at his laptop. “We needed a way to prove our content is created by real people with real problems and real student loan debt. AI can simulate humor, but it can’t simulate the specific anxiety of a writer who’s behind on rent and questioning all their life choices.”

According to Pew Research Center’s studies on AI content, readers are increasingly unable to distinguish between human and machine-generated text. This has created what media theorists call an “authenticity crisis,” where the only way to prove you’re human is to demonstrate the kind of flawed reasoning and emotional baggage that AI hasn’t figured out how to replicate yet. Bradford’s solution is essentially: “Our writers are provably neurotic, therefore they’re provably human.”

The concept of proving one’s humanity through demonstrated imperfection echoes the Hindi concept of “maya” — the illusion that separates us from recognizing the divine within. Except in this case, the illusion is that polished, error-free content is better than the beautifully flawed output of writers who forgot to spell-check because they were too busy having an existential crisis about the modern media landscape. Bradford has essentially weaponized imperfection as a business strategy, which is either brilliant or incredibly sad, possibly both.

Competitors have responded by launching their own human verification systems. One rival satire site requires writers to submit video proof of themselves struggling with basic tasks like parallel parking or assembling IKEA furniture. “AI can write comedy,” explained editor Jennifer Hartwick. “But can it capture the specific despair of realizing you’ve been reading the IKEA instructions upside down for 20 minutes? That’s human authenticity you can’t fake.” The verification video library has become unexpected entertainment, with readers voting on whose humanity demonstration was most convincing.

The irony hasn’t escaped anyone that fighting AI-generated content requires creating labor-intensive verification systems that make human writing even less economically viable. “We’re spending more time proving we’re human than actually writing,” complained staff writer Doug Pemberton. “At this rate, the AI will win just because it doesn’t need to stop and verify its sentience every thirty minutes.” Bradford acknowledged this concern but remains committed to the human-written model, mostly because he hasn’t figured out how to automate existential dread yet.

Tech industry observers note that the “100% Human” badge may become meaningless once AI gets better at simulating human neuroses. “Give it two years,” predicted AI researcher Dr. Elena Rodriguez. “We’ll have language models that can generate content with the right amount of typos, self-doubt, and references to pop culture from exactly 2007. At that point, the only way to prove you’re human will be showing up in person, and even then people will assume you’re a very sophisticated robot.” Bradford has already trademarked “Definitely Not a Robot: Probably” as his backup certification system. The future of media is weird, and getting weirder by the algorithm.

SOURCE: https://genieknows.in/this-satire-is-100-human/

SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://genieknows.in/this-satire-is-100-human/)