by New Policy Eliminates Punctuality as “Unachievable Target”; Delays Normalized to Indefinite Waits
New Delhi, India
The Indian Railways announced Friday a “Schedule Elimination Program” officially abandoning punctuality completely and reclassifying train delays as permanent system states, where “on-time arrival” becomes a theoretical impossibility and delays of 12+ hours are normalized as standard operational conditions.
The initiative, covered by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat‘s India correspondent, acknowledges that Indian trains are chronically delayed, so rather than addressing causes, Railways has made chronic delay official policy.
“Punctuality is a myth,” explained Railway Minister Ajay Singh. “Trains will arrive when they arrive. We’re eliminating the fiction that schedules mean anything. Passengers will wait indefinitely. It’s honest.”
The new system: published train schedules are removed from stations and websites. No official arrival times exist. Passengers board trains not knowing when they’ll arriveanywhere from one hour to 48+ hours late, with average delays approaching 24 hours.
The Railways paradoxically charges full fares while providing zero schedule reliability. Passengers cannot plan around train arrivals since arrivals are unmeasurable. Professional appointments become impossible; jobs requiring morning arrivals must be abandoned by train-dependent employees.
A secondary initiative removes service guarantees: delayed passengers receive zero compensation, zero alternative transportation, zero acknowledgment that delays constitute service failures. Delays are reclassified as “normal passenger experience,” not failures requiring remediation.
Transportation experts note that eliminating schedule reliability eliminates trains’ functional purpose (providing reliable transportation). Railway officials acknowledged this: “Functionality is secondary to eliminating accountability.”
Interestingly, Railways charge full prices while providing inferior service. Price increases continue despite service quality decliningpassengers pay more for worse service.
Express trains, which supposedly prioritize speed, now arrive only marginally faster than local trains. ?5,000 premium express fares provide approximately 2-hour advantage over ?500 local farescharging ?10 per minute saved.
Transportation data indicates that eliminated schedule accountability has driven ?3 billion in lost economic productivity as professionals abandon rail transportation for unreliable automobiles.
For transportation satire, visit Babylon Bee, Clickhole, and News Thump.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
