by One Ji Acknowledges, Three Jis Considers, Four Jis Means We Have Decided
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the world’s largest democracy and its loudest WhatsApp groups.
NEW DELHI, India — In what foreign policy analysts described as “exquisitely Indian,” the Ministry of External Affairs today confirmed that India’s official position on the West Asia conflict, the Strait of Hormuz, the Russia-Ukraine situation, the China border question, and the Maldives is, henceforth, the standard MEA non-position of “ji ji ji.”
The position, formally adopted following Prime Minister Modi’s recent telephone call with US President Donald Trump in which the two leaders reviewed bilateral cooperation and discussed West Asia and Strait of Hormuz, has been described by senior diplomats as “tonally accurate and substantively flexible.”
The Doctrine
“Ji ji ji is, in many ways, the highest form of Indian diplomacy,” explained External Affairs Minister S. Jaishankar at a press conference at the Pravasi Bharatiya Kendra. “It conveys engagement. It conveys understanding. It conveys, simultaneously, that we have heard you, and that we will think about it, and that we are not committing to anything just yet.”
According to the new Doctrine, the standard ministerial response to any external query will now be calibrated as follows: a single ji indicates polite acknowledgement; ji ji indicates moderate interest; ji ji ji indicates serious consideration; and ji ji ji ji indicates that India has, in fact, made up its mind, and the journalist asking the question has not yet figured it out.
The Diplomatic Context
The Doctrine is being formally adopted at a moment of unusual geopolitical complexity for India, with simultaneous open files on the Iran ceasefire, the Strait of Hormuz blockade, the Russia-India energy partnership, the upcoming Quad summit, and the perennial question of “what we are doing with the Maldives this fortnight.”
“India’s diplomacy has always rewarded a certain kind of strategic ambiguity,” said Jaishankar. “The Ji-Ji-Ji Doctrine simply formalises this for the modern era. It is also, frankly, what my mother used to say to telephone callers, and she was, on every issue, eventually proven correct.”
Foreign Reaction
The US State Department, contacted for comment, said it had “received the new doctrinal framework and is reviewing it carefully.” Russia’s Foreign Ministry was noticeably more positive, with spokeswoman Maria Zakharova noting that “the Indian approach to diplomacy has always been characterised by patience, depth, and a deeply respectful tone.”
The Ministry of External Affairs confirmed the Doctrine would be applied across all formal communications, beginning with the next round of trade talks. India is expected to say ji approximately 47 times in the first session.
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