by Sharma-Ji’s-Son-Driven Volatility Now 4.7% Of Penny Stock Volume
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the world’s largest democracy and its loudest WhatsApp groups.
MUMBAI, India — The Securities and Exchange Board of India today issued a regulatory advisory urging the country’s retail investors to “kindly stop receiving stock tips from Sharma-ji’s son,” noting that the practice has now produced 14 separate market dislocations in the current financial year.
The advisory, signed by SEBI Chairperson Madhabi Puri Buch, identifies “Sharma-ji’s son” as a generic figure encompassing approximately 470,000 individuals, all of whom are widely understood to be working in finance in either Mumbai or Dubai, and all of whom are confidently distributing high-conviction WhatsApp tips to family WhatsApp groups across the country.
The Advisory
“SEBI has identified a recurring pattern in which a registered investor receives a single forwarded message containing a single penny stock symbol, places a substantial position, and subsequently watches the stock perform in a manner inconsistent with rational expectations,” reads the advisory. “This pattern has been formally classified as Sharma-ji’s-son-driven volatility.”
According to SEBI’s data, Sharma-ji’s-son-driven volatility now accounts for an estimated 4.7% of total trading volume in stocks below Rs 50, and approximately 0.8% of NIFTY 50 movements on Mondays.
The Statistical Profile
The average Sharma-ji’s son has, according to SEBI’s profile, completed an MBA from a tier-two business school, worked for between 18 and 36 months in either an investment bank or a fintech, and developed what the regulator called “a deeply unwarranted confidence about microcap names.”
“It is not that Sharma-ji’s son is malicious,” said SEBI executive director R. Krishnamurthy at a press conference. “It is that Sharma-ji’s son is, statistically, almost always wrong, and yet always sounds confident, and the family WhatsApp group does not know how to filter.”
Industry Reaction
The Bombay Stock Exchange and the National Stock Exchange both issued statements supporting the advisory. Several Indian fintech firms, contacted at Zerodha and other retail platforms, indicated they would consider adding a “Sharma-ji’s son filter” to their order placement screens.
“It would be a small button,” said one Zerodha product manager. “It would simply ask the investor: ‘Did this idea come from Sharma-ji’s son?’ If yes, the order would be held in a 24-hour cooling-off queue.”
The advisory is non-binding but is expected to be widely ignored. SEBI has indicated it may issue a follow-up advisory, possibly in stronger language, possibly involving Mama-ji.
For more dispatches read further at prat.uk satire and Bohiney Magazine. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Onion.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/satire/
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