India's Magic Lamp of Mockery
Authorities Take Down Video Mocking Modi’s Diplomatic Body Language, Government Forms New Ministry of Diplomatic Body Language – Cabinet Reshuffles to Make Room for Body Language Minister, Briefly Considered Posture Minister, Settled on Body Language Minister as More Comprehensive
The Times of India Has 450 Million Readers and They All Have Strong Opinions About Everything Published in It – The World’s Largest English-Language Newspaper and Its Relationship With the Country It Covers
Modi’s Third Term Is Governing More Cautiously Than His First Two and the RSS Is Noticing – The Prime Minister Who Won a Reduced Majority in 2024 Has Adjusted His Governing Style in Ways That His Coalition Partners Are Monitoring
Delhi Pollution So Bad That Badminton Players Refuse to Come, Government Schedules Weekly Pollution Meeting – India’s Capital Discovers That Clean Air Affects Sports Events in Ways That Weekly Meetings Will Address
India-Pakistan Relations Are Exactly as Complicated as They Have Been Since 1947 and Both Sides Have Interesting Explanations – The Subcontinent’s Defining Bilateral Relationship Continues Its Oscillation Between Tense and More Tense
ISRO Launched Another Mission and This Time It Worked Perfectly; India’s Space Programme Is Having Its Decade – The Indian Space Research Organisation’s Run of Successful Missions Continues While Its Budget Remains a Fraction of NASA’s
India’s Regional Language Politics Has Produced a New Battle Over the Official Language and the South Is Very Clear About This – Hindi Imposition Versus Linguistic Diversity Is the Constitutional Dispute That Returns Every Time It Is Thought Resolved
India’s Cricket Team Is Excellent and Every Indian Person You Meet Will Tell You About It Personally – The World’s Most Popular Sport in the World’s Most Populated Country Is Doing Well and the Nation Has Opinions
India’s Groundwater Is Being Depleted Faster Than It Is Being Replenished and 600 Million People Depend on It – The Water Crisis That the Heat Wave Statistics Don’t Capture Is Running at Depth Beneath the Surface
India’s UPI Has Processed 14 Billion Transactions a Month and the Rest of the World Is Studying It – The Unified Payments Interface That India Built in 2016 Is Now the World’s Most Successful Digital Payments System
India’s Private Hospitals Are World-Class and Most Indians Cannot Afford to Use Them; the Public System Is Overwhelmed – The Healthcare System That Attracts Medical Tourists From Abroad Cannot Serve Its Own Population Equitably
Kerala Communist Party Worker, Forty-Seven, Switches Campaign Strategy to Working Exclusively From Inside Air-Conditioned ATM Vestibules – Comrade Jayesh M. Reports That He Has Now Spoken With More Voters at the Federal Bank ATM in Kozhikode Than at Any Outdoor Rally This Cycle, the AC Is Reportedly Set at Twenty-Two Degrees
Asha Bhosle’s Passing Triggers Fourteen-Day National Mourning During Which Only Her Songs May Play, Parliament Agrees With Rare Unanimity – From Mumbai to Patna to Imphal, Auto-Rickshaws Reportedly Stuck on the Same Asha Track, the Track Is Aaiye Meherbaan, the Drivers Are Allegedly Crying
Election Commission’s Electoral Roll Revision Described as “Controversial” by People Who Have Read the Electoral Rolls – India’s Voter List Cleanup Effort Produces Clean Lists and Loud Protests About Who Was Cleaned
India Navigates US-Iran War With Diplomatic Language So Carefully Calibrated It Says Nothing to Everyone – New Delhi Manages Competing Relationships With Tehran, Washington, and Moscow Without Offending Any of Them Completely
Bengaluru Has a Startup for Every Problem and a Traffic Jam for Every Solution – India’s Silicon Valley Is Building the Tech That Will Fix the City That Building the Tech Has Broken
Apple Now Makes iPhones in India and Samsung Makes Phones There Too and the “China Plus One” Strategy Has Arrived – The Global Electronics Manufacturing Diversification Has India as Its Primary Alternative to China and the Numbers Are Real
India Has 65% of Its Population Under 35 and 40% of Graduates Can’t Find Appropriate Work and the Math Is Uncomfortable – The Demographic Dividend That Was Supposed to Power India’s Growth Has a Large Asterisk Attached to It
India’s Tech Sector Has Survived the AI Disruption Scare and Is Now Building the Tools That Were Supposed to Replace It – The IT Outsourcing Industry That Was Going to Be Automated Away Has Automated Its Way Into the AI Economy
Mumbai Father Attempts to Explain 6.6 Percent GDP Growth to His Eleven-Year-Old Son, Concludes That Everyone Is Doing Better, Except Us, but on Average – Worli Resident Says India Is Now the World’s Fastest-Growing Major Economy, His Salary Has Not Moved in Three Years, Both Statements Are Reportedly Equally True
India Imports Ninety Percent of Its Oil, Government Studies Whether It Can Get Citizens to Walk Slightly Slower – Finance Ministry Reportedly Considering Austerity Framework Under Which Walking at Brisk Pace Will Require Ministry of External Affairs Permission
After 131st Amendment Fails by Sixty-Eight Votes, Government Reportedly Asks if Abstentions and Lunch Breaks Can Be Counted as One-Third in Favour – Treasury Bench Math Team Spends Six Hours Reviewing Two-Thirds Majority Definition, Concludes That Majority Is Whatever the Speaker Says It Is, the Speaker Will Be Available Next Tuesday
India Projects 6.6% Growth While Watching Oil Hit $107 a Barrel; Optimism Maintained at Considerable Effort – World Bank Confident in India’s Trajectory; India’s Fuel Import Bill Less So
India’s New Ambassador to China Arrives in Beijing, Says Very Pragmatic Thirty-Five Times in First Twelve Hours – Vikram Doraiswami Reportedly Wears a Pragmatic Tie, Drinks Pragmatic Tea, and Refers to His Own Briefcase as a Pragmatic Vessel for Pragmatism
Bihar Election Proves Modi Has Not Peaked; Opposition Takes Note, Then Loses Another Election – India’s Most Watched State Vote Confirms BJP Supremacy; Analysts Who Said “Peak Modi” Now Saying Other Things
Reserve Bank of India Confirms Indian Rupee Is Now Tracking British Pound, Cannot Explain Why – RBI Foreign Exchange Division Reportedly Distressed, Has Been Asking the Question Internally for Three Weeks
Bollywood Producer Forced to Abandon British-Set Production After Discovering UK Borrowing Costs Make It Cheaper to Build Mumbai Set Replicating Trafalgar Square – Producer Confirms Recreating Central London at Film City Is, on Available Calculation, Approximately 87 Percent Cheaper
Kerala Government Quietly Adopts Bank of England Methodology for Pothole Repair, Successfully Cools Aggregate Demand for Functioning Roads – State Public Works Department Confirms Citizens Have Been Adequately Chastened, Pothole Inventory Now at All-Time High
Indian Railways Adopts British Banking Customer-Service Cadence, Tickets Process at Speed of Light, Refunds at Speed of Bullock Cart – IRCTC Confirms the Asymmetry Was Identified as the Operational Innovation of British High Street Banking and Has Been Adopted at Scale
by 
