India's Magic Lamp of Mockery
Indian Government Asks X to Remove Satirical Post Saying ‘Elect a Clown, Expect a Circus,’ Government Declines to Specify Its Objection – Satirist’s Account Blocked at Midnight; High Court Directs Reinstatement; Memes Continue Because Memes Always Continue
One Ji Acknowledges, Three Jis Considers, Four Jis Means We Have Decided Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the world’s largest …
SEBI Urges Retail Investors To Stop Listening To Sharma-Ji’s Son – Sharma-Ji’s-Son-Driven Volatility Now 4.7% Of Penny Stock Volume
Rajasthan Will Rotate State Colour Seasonally With Mood And Snack – Crimson For Winter, Pastel Green For Holi, Dusty Saffron For Resignation
RBI Releases First Annual State Of The Family WhatsApp Group Report – Good-Morning Forwards Worth 0.4% Of GDP, Mama-Ji Behind 22% Of Forex Decisions
Bengaluru Hires Deloitte To Rebrand Potholes As ‘Heritage Cavities’ – Tier 5 Reserved For Holes Surviving Three Or More Monsoons
Jan Vishwas Bill Adds Clause Declaring ‘Mere Bhai’ Suspect Ipso Facto – MP From Pune Codifies What Indian Aunties Have Known Forever
New Zealand Inducted Into India’s Polite Cousins Diplomatic Tier – Just Below The Brothers, Just Above The Awkward In-Laws
Asha Bhosle Posthumously Designated India’s First National Sentiment – She Was Sunday Morning, Tuesday Evening, And The Wednesday In Between
Patanjali Wins Naming Rights To 47 Lok Sabha Constituencies – Honourable Member From Patanjali Lucknow, Now With Dant Kanti
Delhi-Dehradun Expressway Reclassified As A Religious Experience – NHAI Adds Corridor To Char Dham Circuit, Toll Discount For Devotional Intent
After 131st Amendment Defeat, Prime Minister Politely Thanks the Opposition for Reminding the Government How Mathematics Works – Modi Reportedly Smiled, Said Two-Thirds Was a Demanding Standard, Pointed Out That the Opposition Had Provided Sixty-Eight Votes Worth of Pedagogy
Election Commission Maintains No Data on Voter Heat Deaths, Commissions a Study, Loses the Study, Concludes Absence of Study Is Evidence of Voter Resilience – Chief Election Commissioner Reportedly Says That If There Were Heat Deaths, There Would Be a Number; There Is No Number; Therefore There Were No Deaths; the Logic Is Tight
Modi Hosts Jensen Huang and Bill Gates at India AI Summit, Produces Forty-Seven Photo Opportunities and Zero Joint Deliverables – Three Heads of State, Two Tech Billionaires, Fourteen MoUs Signed, Outcome Reportedly to Be Confirmed in Approximately Twelve to Eighteen Months
Authorities Take Down Video Mocking Modi’s Diplomatic Body Language, Government Forms New Ministry of Diplomatic Body Language – Cabinet Reshuffles to Make Room for Body Language Minister, Briefly Considered Posture Minister, Settled on Body Language Minister as More Comprehensive
The Times of India Has 450 Million Readers and They All Have Strong Opinions About Everything Published in It – The World’s Largest English-Language Newspaper and Its Relationship With the Country It Covers
Modi’s Third Term Is Governing More Cautiously Than His First Two and the RSS Is Noticing – The Prime Minister Who Won a Reduced Majority in 2024 Has Adjusted His Governing Style in Ways That His Coalition Partners Are Monitoring
Delhi Pollution So Bad That Badminton Players Refuse to Come, Government Schedules Weekly Pollution Meeting – India’s Capital Discovers That Clean Air Affects Sports Events in Ways That Weekly Meetings Will Address
India-Pakistan Relations Are Exactly as Complicated as They Have Been Since 1947 and Both Sides Have Interesting Explanations – The Subcontinent’s Defining Bilateral Relationship Continues Its Oscillation Between Tense and More Tense
ISRO Launched Another Mission and This Time It Worked Perfectly; India’s Space Programme Is Having Its Decade – The Indian Space Research Organisation’s Run of Successful Missions Continues While Its Budget Remains a Fraction of NASA’s
India’s Regional Language Politics Has Produced a New Battle Over the Official Language and the South Is Very Clear About This – Hindi Imposition Versus Linguistic Diversity Is the Constitutional Dispute That Returns Every Time It Is Thought Resolved
India’s Cricket Team Is Excellent and Every Indian Person You Meet Will Tell You About It Personally – The World’s Most Popular Sport in the World’s Most Populated Country Is Doing Well and the Nation Has Opinions
India’s Groundwater Is Being Depleted Faster Than It Is Being Replenished and 600 Million People Depend on It – The Water Crisis That the Heat Wave Statistics Don’t Capture Is Running at Depth Beneath the Surface
India’s UPI Has Processed 14 Billion Transactions a Month and the Rest of the World Is Studying It – The Unified Payments Interface That India Built in 2016 Is Now the World’s Most Successful Digital Payments System
India’s Private Hospitals Are World-Class and Most Indians Cannot Afford to Use Them; the Public System Is Overwhelmed – The Healthcare System That Attracts Medical Tourists From Abroad Cannot Serve Its Own Population Equitably
Kerala Communist Party Worker, Forty-Seven, Switches Campaign Strategy to Working Exclusively From Inside Air-Conditioned ATM Vestibules – Comrade Jayesh M. Reports That He Has Now Spoken With More Voters at the Federal Bank ATM in Kozhikode Than at Any Outdoor Rally This Cycle, the AC Is Reportedly Set at Twenty-Two Degrees
Asha Bhosle’s Passing Triggers Fourteen-Day National Mourning During Which Only Her Songs May Play, Parliament Agrees With Rare Unanimity – From Mumbai to Patna to Imphal, Auto-Rickshaws Reportedly Stuck on the Same Asha Track, the Track Is Aaiye Meherbaan, the Drivers Are Allegedly Crying
Election Commission’s Electoral Roll Revision Described as “Controversial” by People Who Have Read the Electoral Rolls – India’s Voter List Cleanup Effort Produces Clean Lists and Loud Protests About Who Was Cleaned
India Navigates US-Iran War With Diplomatic Language So Carefully Calibrated It Says Nothing to Everyone – New Delhi Manages Competing Relationships With Tehran, Washington, and Moscow Without Offending Any of Them Completely
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